Happenings

Yesterday I was talking with a friend of mine, Beckie, who is one of the most ambitious and creative people I've ever had the pleasure to know.  I would tell you to go look at her blog and see all the projects she is ALWAYS doing, but she's a private blogger, so you'll just have to take my word for it.  She's amazing. 

Beckie was telling me yesterday how she's redecorating her boys' bedroom.  Stars Wars themed.  Too cool!  She proceeded to list all the things she was doing to redecorate and telling me about the amazing deals she found on fabric, bedspreads, pillows (which she's having someone embroider "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." on them!), and telling me about the paint and color schemes she's laid out.  As she spoke (on the phone) I had a vision of Beckie on one of those redesign-your-space-on-a-budget type of shows.  Trading Spaces is coming to mind, but maybe that show isn't even on anymore?  I don't know as I don't have TV.  Anyway, I said as much to her that she should have her own show.  She might have thought I was joking, but I was deadly serious.  I wonder if I could be her first "victim"?  My house needs some serious love in the decorating department.

Anyway, the point to all this is that when I told her this, she told me it's just her hobby.  Her house is a canvas and she is the artist.  It's always beautiful and it's always morphing into the next awesome project.  If I'm being honest with myself, I feel twinges of jealousy and that self-deprecating voice in my head starts yapping when I talk to Beckie about (or see) her latest project.  I wish I had some of her creativity!  And her motivation.  I don't do the decorating thing very well.  Maybe I would if I ever gave myself the chance, but it just never seems to be a priority as there's always something else pulling at my time and my finances.  And, as long as I'm being honest, I will say that I don't do motivation well either, which is a requirement for projects like Beckie does.  I'm a procrastinator through and through and I seem to function best and get the most done with a looming deadline to spur me along.  

Ok, I'm getting off track again.  Have I ever mentioned I'm a sucker for tangents too?  My husband (among others) gets very frustrated when I'm telling a story because I start telling five other stories amid the first story I started.  Kinda like right now, how I'm telling you about tangents.  It doesn't take much.  Anything shiny and I'm distracted!  (At least that's what Dustin says, in jests of love.)

So, the real point is that, in talking to Beckie, I started to wonder what I have been doing lately?  I voiced that thought aloud and started to say how I blog a lot, but then I stopped myself mid-sentence, because, no, I don't really do much of that lately, do I?  I haven't seen my friends much.  I haven't been cleaning much.  I haven't been doing anything much and I'm really not sure what it is that I do all the time!  Beckie pointed out that I do homeschool my son, and there's truth in her words.  That does take up a large chunk of my time, energy and focus, but I feel like there should be more.  I should have something to show for the end of the day, right?  Something for me? 

So, that's been on my mind.  I've been trying to figure out what it is I do all the time.  I've decided, since it's a new year and all that...(I'm not much of a goal setter, if you  haven't guessed)...  I'll try blogging again!  I might never be the blogger I once was.  I might never have that daily muse come and write essays across the parchment of my mind, but I can try, darn it! 

So, I think I'll try to blog a little more.  Blog about what's been happening around my house, in my life and in my brain for the last few weeks (months... whatever...) 

What I'm trying to say is stick around a while!  Be on the lookout for more postings on this, here, blog.

Manic Monday: Fire

I've sat here at the computer for far too long on a Monday morning. Monday's and me... we don't play nicely. We fight and bicker, slap and bite. It's not pretty.

I was trying to think of what to write for our lovely Manic Monday word and just kept wishing that someone would light my fire... my motivation fire, that is. *sigh* My house, that has been quite clean for over a week, needs some attention to keep it so and I just don't feel like it. My blog needs a Monday post and I just don't feel like it. My body needs to get out of these pajamas and into the shower and I just don't feel like it. My son needs me to build Legos with him and I just don't feel like it.

And then, it suddenly hit me. If I want my fire lit, I've got to freakin' do it myself! So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to grab my strike-anywhere matches and search for dry kindling....

"It Goes On" accompanied by Procrastination

I thought and thought about yesterday's Manic Monday. The word was snow. Snow? Honestly? Haven't we seen quite enough snow? Could we pick a word like flower or green or tulip? Or perhaps 'degrees'? Then I could enumerate the many wonders of 75 [degrees] and my acute anxiousness for a LACK of snow. I suppose I could have written all of this yesterday, but I just couldn't manage it.

But you know what I found out? Life goes on. Even when I don't do a blog post. Amazing.

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Procrastination is something that drifts in and out of my life. It's like mold spores that float along in the air, lighting upon my to do list and spoiling it. That is, the to do list in my mind... I don't keep a hard copy. Perhaps that's my problem. Alas, that's a thought for another day.

I hold the shame of my moldy list like a hand of poker. My face is straight. I give nothing away, most days. There are occasions like today where I just want to throw my cards down, reckless and liberated. Calling my own bluff and betting anyway. I might lose, but I have a wild hair and decide that it doesn't matter. Win or lose, I'm laying it down. Showing my crappy hand.

At the very end of October, I told someone I would do something for them. It was not really a big deal. Transcribing some CDs. Doesn't sound hard. I was even getting paid for my efforts. I did the first one in November. It was slower than it seemed it should be and I didn't like it. Five CDs to go and they sat on my computer. November passed. December. January. Nearly February now and this man is wondering if I'm ever going to get them done. And so am I.

Last night, I stayed up late typing my little brains out. One more CD done. I'm in a groove now, but why did it take me 3 months to get in my groove? I am not sure where I'm going with this... I do know that my angst over moldy spore damage could be the death of me. It turns my shoulders to cables and my stomach to rocks.

For a long time now, I've been wondering what it is that procrastination does for me. What part of me actually needs it? How I can let it go? I don't know that I have any answers. Some days are better than others and I try to look at what's different on those better days. Nike and President Kimball come to mind. Just. Do. It. Yep. Sounds so easy and it is on some days. But on those not-better-than-others days, my heart is like an internal battleground and my body that should "just do it" is the POW. I get stuck. I'm the girl with concrete shoes and I can't find the chisel.

Regardless, I keep trying. Even as I type that last sentence, I hear Yoda in my head. "Do or do not. There is no try." Sorry Yoda. You can go back to the Dagobah System and live in your swamp. If there is no try then I'm screwed. I'd go for "Do Not" every time. I like trying. Try is mine and I'm keepin' it!

Tue Pose a Question

Why procrastination? What does it do for me? I'm doing it right now and I can't figure it out. Why, when I have something pressing that I don't want to do, am I so excited to do the other things that I put off on every other day? Is it just a means to make myself feel like crap later on when I'm rushing around trying to get what is pressing done? Do I like feeling overwhelmed and despairing with to much too do in too little time? I know I don't like it, but maybe somewhere at some deep unconscious level I do, because why else would I do it so much of the freakin' time?

I look at people who are organized and do things in time with ease and grace and wonder what battles they have to fight in their mind. Their house is clean, children well behaved, finances lovely, food storage is set, testimony is secure... at least that is what is visible on the surface. Do they have problems too?

I can't see their problems, but I feel like my life is an open book, and that book ain't Charles Dickens... it's an Elmo coloring book that a three year old has scribbled on every page. My life is crazy and disorganized and nothing seems to be "in the lines". Do those apparently perfect people feel the same way? I wish I could name a few of them and ask them. What are your battles, you perfect people? Tell me!

Ya, I know. I'm looking at my neighbor like I admonished myself not to yesterday. Open book, see? Well anyway... procrastination and why I do it is on my mind and I'm not in a very good mood today. I just don't feel like being eloquent or nice, so my apologies to all you lovelies who are reading. I'll get over it and be happy tomorrow or in 5 minutes... that's how I roll.

Procrastination, Blogging and Habits

I've discovered that blogging is a wonderful form of procrastination! If any of you are worried because you are struggling with not getting enough procrastination in your life, just start a little blog, and you will have a fantastic solution to avoid all the things you need to be doing!

Just kidding... sort of. I just need to be getting all my numbers and reports put together for TAXES, and here I sit, blogging! Yes, we have an appointment with our accountant tomorrow. I should be doing it as fast and as furious as I can so that I can get a refund sooner... but, what can I say? I am an excellent procrastinator.

What is it about a deadline looming and a close shave that draws me? Is it the excitement? The adrenaline of near misses? Is it that I love pain and frustration... a bit of a masochist?

No... I am just being rhetorical. I know the answer already. It is simply habit. I am not in the habit of getting things done ahead of time and it is a habit I am going to KICK, or die trying!