Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Yumprint Update and Then Some...

Yumprint?  What's that?

That's my update.

Dinner?  What's that?

Last night I made Mac and Ella a tuna fish sandwich and Rohan and Brynja had grilled cheese.  And they all had apples.

I feel pretty good about that.  Dustin was out of town, so I didn't need to cook for him and I can't remember if I ate anything or not.  I think I had a late lunch (of sorts) and so I must not have been very hungry.  Either that or I have amnesia.

I took my kids to our local Halloween store and we spent over an hour there just walking around looking at stuff and putting masks on.  It was free and they were highly entertained.  They thought I was the coolest mom ever.

And two other points of interest that Facebook knows but my blog does not...

Back in May I went platinum blonde.  And in September I went to Europe.  Here are a few pictures to cover both items:  

Me standing next to a statue of the world's tallest man... Guinness Museum; Copenhagen, Denmark

Swedish Sauna.  It's tiny and that's why my fingers are like that.  (it is an inside joke between us and this Finnish friend of ours named Patrik why that is funny.)  Skansen Open Air Museum; Stockholm, Sweden.

This was an authentic Viking Rune stone, still it's original environment in the forest where it was discovered.  We had to hike to get to it.  It has a picture of a Longboat and the runes written there say something to the effect of, "In memory of the good son."  This is near a small town (can't remember the name...) in Finland about 30 or 40 minutes north of Vaasa.  

On the shore of the Baltic Sea.  That island you can see in the distance was our destination in this picture.  I was waiting for Patrik to pick us up in his boat and we rode to his summer house (cabin) on the island.  The island's name translated to "Thor's Island".  Awesome.

Standing on the porch of Patrik's summer home, with the Baltic Sea behind us.  Beautiful.

Stockholm, Sweden.  This city was a surprise around every corner.  This was inside a courtyard surrounded by buildings.  The courtyard was invisible from the street until you come upon this tiny opening in the wall of the building and then, surprise!  This awesome courtyard.  I think it was some kind of hotel behind me.  And to my left (your right) was this little green space like a park.  Grass and trees.  And this was all hidden, tucked away in this courtyard.  It was so cool.  

Perhaps someday I'll post more about our trip.  I'd like to.  It was amazing.  But for now, I'm happy to get this much up.

And see how I'm blonde now?  Yep.  That's been fun too.  


Thursday, October 18, 2012

You Might Want to Sit Down...

I'm keeping you updated!  It's not a very good update, but I'm just excited that I remembered I have a blog.


I haven't looked at YumPrint one time since I wrote last.  I might have pinned (can I say pinned?  It's not Pinterest...) a recipe since then, but visited the site?  Nope.

And I think I've cooked dinner a total of 2 times in the last two weeks.  Well, maybe a couple more.  But I have been on the roof of my duplex for those two weeks (well, only in the day).  We're reroofing and it's sucking my will to live.  And cook.

So, I'll try to update you when I actually start having a life again that doesn't involve shingles or a 4/12 pitch.

Thank you for your patience... please continue to hold.

Oh.  And for your viewing pleasure... or not.

PICTURES!    I told you you might want to sit down.  I'm trying to be picture-girl.

If you're my friend on FB, you've probably seen these.  But there are some who are not on Facebook.  I know of two for sure.  ;-)

Boom truck with rooftop shingle delivery.  Best $65 I've ever spent.   

Dustin and I after one of the days of the tear-off.  This roof had 5 layers, the first one being old, original 1920 hot-mop tar stuff.  It was a really fun and exciting job.  Don't we look excited?  Yeah.  Not really.  

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


My awesome friend, Rachel, posted about this new social networking site called Yumprint.  It's for recipes and Rachel's excited.  So, I for sure got on the site and signed up.  Are you kidding?  Something that helps with the dinner hour?  We all know I have dinner issues.

So, as I was looking around on the site and trying to figure out how it worked, I started to feel panicky.  I've not tried Yumprint, but have tried all kinds of books and emails and calendars to try to help me figure out dinner.

One book, in particular, I loved because it had 5 (or 6? I forget) days worth of recipes with a shopping list prepared for the whole week.  I did it for about a month and thought it was awesome, and I discovered, much to my surprise, that I really like cooking WHEN I don't have to think about WHAT to cook and I know I have all the ingredients already in the house.  I loved trying new recipes, which this forced me to do every night.  I really loved the whole process, except for going to the store.  My excuse for falling off that month-long wagon was that it was expensive.  It was perhaps a little more pricey than I would normally cook, but I probably saved money for that month because I spent less time at the store.

As I said, I browsed Yumprint for about 5 minutes seeing if I could figure it out, got panicky and then had an epiphany.  All the things I've ever tried to do to help myself cope with dinner had one thing in common.


I'm the common denominator.  And whatever it is inside that makes me resist the planning of the dinner hour is the same thing reason I fear schedules, routines, plans, lists, etc..   And whatever it is is big.  Big and scary.  The panicked feeling that I experienced tells me just how big and how scary it is.

I don't know what I'll be doing about that, but I plan to change it.  Bit by bit.  Day by day.  Meal by meal.  Week by week.

I'd like to say I'll keep you updated...

Anything is possible, right?

Monday, October 8, 2012

My Teeth Are Brushed

(warning... this post is completely random and fairly disturbing... read at your own risk)

I shouldn't start a blog post at 12:30 a.m., but I didn't want another writing miscarriage on my hands.  I've already brushed my teeth and was ready to go to bed, but as I brushed, I was reading a remarkable book called The Dance by Oriah and I had some thoughts.

Let me tell you, as I was reading this book, I felt like I was reading something I wrote.  Not that the subject matter was my life, but the writing style was much like my own.  It made me feel like I was mourning my own death because I never write anymore.  And then I thought about the crazy dream I had last night... the dream that Dustin had to wake me up from because I was crying in my sleep.

So, I'm writing.  Even if it sucks and doesn't make any sense.

This is Clancy taking action.  Nonsensical action, perhaps, but action nonetheless.

In this book that I was just reading Oriah says this;

"The question is not why are we so infrequently the people we really want to be.  The question is why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are."

This struck me in inexplicable ways.

And, though it makes no sense whatsoever with any of the context of this post, nor the title, I keep thinking of that dream and so, even though it's fairly freaky, I'm going to write about it:

I came into my basement family room where my children had erected a blanket fort.  The fort was covered in blood and inside it I found a little girl who had been stabbed.   In my house.   WHAT?!!!  

She was a beautiful little black girl and I thought she was dead.  I was freaking out and started screaming for someone to call an ambulance.  When I got closer to her, I could see that she was still alive.  She wasn't doing well though and as I examined her, I found a stab wound just below her sternum.  

This child was a stranger to me.  I didn't know who she was or how she got in my house, much less who stabbed her.    

I picked up the child, who was about 7 years old, to carry her upstairs and, in the way of dreams and how they seamlessly change in nonsensical ways, the child was suddenly a baby who was perhaps 6 months old.  I think the baby was a girl.  The baby had no clothes on, but had a white blanket wrapped around her and the wound (in the same place as the little child) was swollen and angry looking.  The baby was very lethargic.  

I saw an ambulance (of sorts... you know how dreams are) pull up in front of my house and as I ran frantically to answer the door with the babe in my arms, two stern faced and steely haired older women came in.  They invited themselves to sit on my couch and proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions that I can't remember now.  I only remember that I wanted to scream at them that I had a dying baby in my arms and that they were supposed to be helping her, not asking me a bunch of questions that didn't matter AT ALL!!!  

I was enormously frustrated and frantic.  These two women didn't even pause to look at the baby as they finished their questions and brusquely left my house as quickly as they entered it.  

There was someone else in my house with me who had called 911.  This person was not present during the steel twins' inquisition, but reappeared as they left.  I was frantic again.  As I realized the ambulance and the 'help' it was supposed to bring was leaving, I decided I had to take the baby to the hospital myself.

I don't know who this person was that was with me, but it was someone I trusted and I was somewhat comforted by their presence.  I remember feeling grateful that I wasn't alone.  

I struggled to put the baby in a car seat.  Then, I struggled to put the car seat in my car.  As I was trying to do this, I realized the baby wasn't in the car seat anymore.  I panicked!  I thought she must have fallen out when I was messing with the car seat trying to get it in the car.  I looked around screaming, "Where's the baby!" and the other person pointed to the white blanket that the baby had been wrapped in.  It was sort of under the car seat.  

As I grabbed the blanket and felt the baby inside it, I realized that the baby was very hard.  I pulled the blanket out with the baby inside it and uncovered it's face and what I held in my arms was now a hard plastic doll, all shiny and frozen in a fairly creepy way.  

The baby had died.  

In my dream I howled with grief and frustration.  I was crying and screaming and beating the car with my fists.  I was so angry at the women who came and asked me questions.  I was so angry at myself for letting them ask.  I was so angry that I didn't even know who this baby was and why it was in my house or who had stabbed it so cruelly.  As I screamed, the person who was with me (who was a woman, by the way) was trying to calm me down.  

And then, I woke up to my own sobbing and howling and Dustin touching me and telling me that everything was ok, and that it was just a dream.

It was so disturbing and frightening.  Like a horror movie.

Don't ask me why I kept feeling like I was supposed to write this out, but I obeyed.

Sorry for you.       

And, as I'm proofing this post, I can't help but notice the relationship between my last post about metaphorical miscarriages, the baby in my dream and the fact that reading this woman Oriah's writing made me feel like I was mourning my own death.

Maybe I'm the baby.  Maybe I'm also the stupid ladies asking all the wrong questions and just causing problems.  Maybe I'm everyone in my dream and it's like many aspects of myself who all seem to be in conflict with one another.

That actually makes a great deal of sense, considering my life lately.


And again, I'm sorry for you, the reader this insanely bizarre post.

Good night.