Monday, April 27, 2009

Manic Monday: Warm

Warm. My weekend was warm. I was profoundly intoxicated by love's heady bouquet. That's the thing about having your husband work out of town, you get a little love-drunk when you're together again. Absence making the heart grow fonder might be the very essence of cliche, yet the fact that it is, indeed, 'cliche' is indicative of the absolute truth of the statement. My heart is fonder. More fond. Heavy-laden with fondness. This is not to lessen the sweetness of the days when he is not working out of town... I would much prefer the company of those days. The days where 5:00 pm, like an anchor, keeps me from floundering, drifting lost at sea.

But, I like to look for silver linings... and the warmth of the weekend still lingers on my lips and in my heart.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

From The Jar... #37

Today, the Jar begs the question:

What would you like to be remembered for?

Although, I was playing editor again for you. The Jar really asked "What would you like to be remember for?" Past tense, Jar. Past tense.

My month-long (or was it longer?) Jar hiatus made me forget just how hard these questions can be. This is the kind of question that makes me feel like I'm bragging, because, honestly, what am I supposed to say? "I want to be remembered for my *tardiness. I want to be remembered for my bad habit of *picking my arms. I want to be remembered for my special knack for *disorganization and *less-than-ideal housekeeping skills. I want to be remembered for my *poor-planning days full of whimsy." That doesn't grab you, does it? It doesn't cry out "Eulogy" in my mind.

I don't know if the Jar is asking for a eulogy, it's just what this feels like. Like we're talking about me after I've left my body and the green, green earth.

So, rather than crowing on and on about what I think I would like to be remembered for, I'm going to take a different route. In true Larrie's blog fashion, I'm going to enlist the help of you, my lovely readers. If you were asked to speak at my funeral, or... if you're scared of public speaking or just scared of funerals... you were asked to contribute something to another person's talk at my funeral, something that you remember me for, what would YOU say? (you can say something even if you have never met me for real, as is the case with select readers)

I will give said speaker one item that I would like to be remember for, postmortem:

I would like to be remembered for making those around me feel good. I hope I'm remembered in the same way I think of my grandma: Sunshine in human form. *Sniff, sniff.* I'll miss you, Clancy.

Post Edit: I'd also like to be remembered for my desperate love of Frisbee.

*all very likely things that I will be remembered for... (Larrie, look how awesome your blog is! I copy you all over the place!)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I Heart Books

And that is why my blog and my Facebook page have been so quiet.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday's Fabulous Five

1- I've moved back into the part-time-single-mom life with surprising ease. It was really hard the first two days, but then I settled right back into my groove. I don't know if that's a good thing, but I'm grateful that the transition wasn't as hard as it was the last time.

2- Laughter. It truly is my favorite thing. Laughing hysterically at Arctic Circle is even better.

3- Sunshine. It's supposed to be nice weather this week, a welcome change from the gloomy rain. But, the rain did provide for perfect snuggle days!

4- One time Ella was watching me type something. I was typing really fast... I think I was transcribing. She watched me for a while and finally asked, "Mom, do you have eyes on your chin?"

I didn't understand the question at all and said as much.

She explained her query with another. "How do you know which buttons to push for typing?"

Giggles ensued.

5- I know I've been writing about him a lot, but I must add how I love Rohan and his precious little isms. Just now I was getting some laundry folded and a stream of sunlight from the window poured in just next to where I was standing. I would flip the clothes when I pulled them from the basket and as I did, dust particles would move through the stream of sunlight very quickly and then slow down as the air stilled. Rohan watched this with interest and asked me, as he has on numerous occasions, "Mom, what's dose?"

I replied, "Those are dust particles."

"Dust pawticles? Den, why dey wuv us?"

I couldn't suppress my mirth, but he didn't seem to notice, and on the heels of his previous question asked, "And, why dey wun awound?"

My giggles erupted into a full-blown belly laugh and I couldn't answer those two questions or any of the deluge of questions that followed, distracted by my son's precocious mind.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

From The Jar... #36

Wow. Remember my jar? Yeah, I don't know what happened but I severely fell off the wagon. I'm trying to heft myself back onto it. I actually pulled this question out of the jar about a month ago. And the Jar said...

What convinced you most in your choice of a spouse?

Dang. What convinced me most? I have to pick one thing? Wait, this is my blog! I get to do whatever I want!

Since I'm, hopefully, a recovering grocery sack, I'll try making another list. My friend Larrie likes to make lists. You should visit her blog because she's awesome. (and, by the way, today was another grocery sack day for me... blowing around without an apparent care in the world...)

The top ten things that convinced me most in my choice of a spouse... that would be my choice of Mr. Dustin. (in no particular order)

10- He's an awesome Rollerblader/Frisbee player. He's really VERY good at both.

9- He likes guns. He knows a lot about them and he and my dad can talk about them. That may seem silly to you but it was important to me.

8- He's the most devoted man on the whole darned planet. At the beginning of our relationship, he actually scared me off with his intense devotion. Good thing I got over that hurdle because this man takes loving his wife VERY seriously. I'm the luckiest!

7- He's a family man. I couldn't be sure when I was making the choice to marry him, but I thought he'd be a good dad, and I was SO right!

6- He's the hardest working person I've ever known.

5- Dustin's patience is limited in certain area's of his life except when it comes to me. For his wife, his patience is a fount, a well-spring unending.

4- He's so very willing to learn and grow. He's open minded (it does take some time for him to come around to new ideas but he always does.) and eager to fill his mind with things that interest him.

3- He's hot! (in my favorite, rugged way.)

2- He is absolutely willing to help everyone. He's very service oriented and loves people.

And finally

1- I know I said these were in no particular order, and I meant it, but this one is actually the number 1. I don't think I realized it consciously at the time I married Dustin, or decided to marry him, but I think that on a spiritual level I knew that Dustin was my match. I said this once before, but he and I don't match like a game of Memory where the cards 'match' and look exactly the same. It's more like a puzzle. He's the piece that fits in with the rest of the picture to finish me.

I love you, D.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Clancy Revealed

whim (hwm, wm)
1. A sudden or capricious idea; a fancy.
2. Arbitrary thought or impulse: governed by whim.

Every morning I wake up and know exactly what I'm doing for the whole day and I always get it all done. Oh wait. Nope! That's not me at all. In fact, I'm the perfect opposite of that statement. I roll more like this: I wake up every morning not knowing what I'm doing for the day. Or this: I rarely have a plan when I wake in the morning.

I suppose I do have a few things in my day that are certain. Get kids up. Brush teeth and hair. Feed kids. Put on my slippers to drive kids to school. Come back home. That's pretty much it. Those are the certainties, the definites, the known-factors that make up my day-to-day life. Oh yeah, and there's also the pick up kids from school and the do homework part. And most days I even make some sort of dinner. Go, me.

Enter Whim, stage left.

Today I didn't have a plan, just like every other day. I got the known factors off to school and then it's just me and Whim. Or, Whim and I, if we're being technical. Well, if we're being REALLY technical, it's me, Rohan, and Whim... or Whim, Rohan and I? Suddenly I can't remember what's correct. You get the picture though, right? (Feel free to help me out, Larrie.)

Yes, Whim and I. We settle in to a perfect rhythm of doing whatever we want. Sometimes it's things that we need to get done, sometimes it's things that we want to get done, and, far too often, it's simply getting nothing done. (FYI: Facebook = nothing)

I am not a planner by nature. I don't check things off of lists. That would be because I don't do lists. My day goes more like a grocery sack in a courtyard on a windy afternoon. Have you ever watched a grocery sack in a courtyard in the wind? It's hypnotic. You never know where it's going to go. Just like my day. Every day.

I don't necessarily like this little facet of myself. In fact, there are some days, not all of them, but some days when I HATE it. Yes, I said hate. Strong word. I know. I wouldn't use it for today's blustery day, though. You see, Whim carried me to my bedroom. Whim told me to clean it. My room was in dire, desperate, S.O.S-kind of shape. It needed cleaning and it need it bad. And not only did I clean the floor that was heaped with lots of ___________ (fill in the blank, it was probably there in a pile), but I also made my dresser and nightstand look cute, dusting included. I can't even begin to think of the last time this dresser event occurred. I'm thinking not so much in the "months-ago" category, but the "years-ago". For real.

I will also mention that Whim also had me cleaning out flower beds and picking up bits of garbage strewn throughout my yard. It was 63 degrees today. It was a good thing. But you know what's funny? I only cleaned out the flower beds and the yard because I was taking the garbage from my bedroom (and I grabbed the one in the bathroom and the kitchen while I was at it) out to the cans in the alley. And when I was walking back I saw the garbage here and there, so I picked it up. Then I saw big weeds starting to grow back from last year, so I pulled them. Then I saw last-years dead growth on the perennials so I pulled that. Then I saw this big black garbage bag full of saw-dust (long story) that I wanted to throw away. It was really heavy so I asked my neighbor (who was also outside) to help me move it to the garbage. We moved it and then we talked for a while. I have cleaning ADD. I never got back to the bedroom. It's only mostly clean now. I'll take it though.

So, the point to this... essay? rant? babble? sream of consciousness?... let's go with babble. The point of this babble is to reveal (to whoever cares) a few things about myself. Let's pretend I'm a list maker and I'll tell them to you in list form.

Clancy is babbling to explore the following:

1- I'm human. Yep. Just human. I've got faults. This is a potential one.

2- My word choice in item #1 intentionaly leads us into item #2. I say Whim is a potential fault because it's not always a bad thing to be 'governed by whim'. There are lots of positives. I *don't get bent out of shape very easily if things don't go as planned. That's because "planned" is a very loose word for me. I *go with the flow. I *have fun with whatever I'm doing. I'm *spontaneous.

*I would like to interject that I'm not ENTIRELY this way either, just mostly. There are rare occasions that I do plan something and if it doesn't go 'as planned', I feel disgruntled and have been known to be *gasp* GRUMPY.

3- I want to learn a different way to live. I want to wake up with a plan. I want to have lists that I check off. I want to be systematic rather than always being a grocery sack carried on Whim.

4- I need a teacher. I don't know how to do item #3. I learned a while ago that if you want to learn to do something, you have to find someone who already knows how to do it and have them mentor you. (I recently experienced this phenomenon with a family who mentored me in things that they didn't even know they were mentoring me on until I told them they were... interesting the quiet example someone can be, and how totally unaware they can be of their influence on you.)

Well, that's all I've got for now. Four items. Seems like a measley little list, but for a non-list girl, it'll do.

So, is there anyone out there who wants to teach me how to be less like a grocery sack?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Manic Monday: Taste

Here's a taste of my Monday morning:

Rohan sitting on my lap with a book about dinosaurs. As he turns each page he asks, "Mommy, whas dis ones named?"

I reply in turn with each dinosaurs name. After he pauses for a moment to look at the picture and absorb the given name, he then asks what it's doing. I tell him a little something for each one... this one is reaching high to eat the leaves... that one runs really fast... these two can fly up high (interjection from Rohan on just how high that one can fly, complete with spread-arm illustrations).

Then we turn one more page. "Mommy, whas dis ones named?"

"That one is a Stegosaurus."

Without any pause or hesitation, Rohan says, in his very CUTEST Rohan voice, "Ya! Dey are huge! Dey can wiggle da earth."

Monday mornings are a beautiful thing when I focus on the precious deductions of a three year old mind.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Win One For Yourself!

You know you want to! Everybody likes to be a winner! Here's a little lady that I was introduced to who became my friend in short order. We were introduced by my mother and I'm so glad we were! Miss Chatty Natty is classy and smart, beautiful and kind. We're even Facebook friends now. Technology is so helpful for budding friendships!

Anyway, thechattydiaries is holding a giveaway, and you all know I just can't resist those giveaways! Win a necklace. They're HOT! I have several of them already, and I wear them all the time and get TONS of compliments on them. So, I must have more. More, more, more! To get a chance at my more, I must blog about them to get more entries. That means I'm going to win, right? Well, perhaps I will or perhaps I won't. Perhaps it's YOU that will win! Go on. Click on the linky. You know you want to!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Friday's Fabulous Five

1- The burden of "I have to get ready for my tax appointment" is now off my shoulders.

2- Tax returns. I know that it's an interest free loan to the government. I know that, so don't say it!!! But I can't help feeling giddy, all the same.

3- I hate it when my children are sick because they suffer. But there's a sunny side to everything right? That's what FFF is all about! So, the sunny side to Mac being sick yesterday and today is that he is SO mellow, relaxed and sweet. There are no irritated-with-his-sister comments or grouching at his parents. He's just so mellow. Just so sweet. Just so sparkly-from-the-fever-eyed adorable!

4- My husband is reading a book that I never thought he'd read. He's so freakin' cute! Thanks to the movie, his interest was peaked. I will never reveal the name of the book though. His secret is safe with me.

5- It's been a little rainy and overcast but the temps are still in the 50's. Blessed, blessed spring!

Have a FANTABULOUS weekend!

Oh, and here's a P.S. for you.

P.S. I have had several people ask me about when I'm going to post the rest of my version of the "Yeah Write" project. I just thought I'd let you know, it's a bigger story than a hurry-up-and-write-a-post is allowing. And I'm having some fun with it. It might be a while, but it is coming. :-)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Random Repeat

This is a total cop-out, but I'm doing it all the same. Here's a list of 25 random things about me that I did on Facebook. I thought they'd be a fun addition to the future blog-book.

1- I've been tagged by this things about 420 times. I decided to finally do it once the "rash" was pretty much over. In other words, I like to do things in my own time. (AKA procrastinator) The only reason I'm doing it right now is because I'm waiting for clothes to dry so I can change the laundry and then go to bed.

2- I like to exaggerate numbers, and I usually include a 2, 3 or an 8 in those exaggerated numbers.

3- I like to write. It makes me feel better.

4- I would play Frisbee everyday of my life if I could.

5- I have a birthmark that looks like a Chips Ahoy cookie.

6- I love to make junk piles to donate to good will but I have a really hard time actually getting the piles into the car and out of the house. I also suck at mailing things.

7- My bedroom is ridiculously messy right now and I'm pretty sure my spotless mother-in-law saw it this morning while she was here and I was gone. Lucky for me, she loves me anyway.

8- I adore cold cereal, much to my husband's dismay.

9- I like to do roundoffs and cartwheels in shopping malls and parking lots.

10- I think it's hysterical to walk up to perfect strangers, pretend I know them, act really excited to see them, hug them, tell them how awesome their sister did on her play, let them know how I wish I could've been there for their child's baptism, tell them to say "hi" to their family from me and that I've got to run, and then walk away quickly. If you haven't done something like that, you haven't lived!

11- I don't eat chicken, except for the rarest of occasions.

12- I ADORE horseradish, wasabi and Chinese hot mustard. I craved it everyday when I was pregnant with my last baby. (4 years ago!!!!! has it really been that long?... yes. yes it has....)

13- I have grand aspirations including (but not limited to) singing karaoke at a karaoke bar or, better yet, on a cruise ship with lots of fun friends, and seeing lots of shows live on Broadway (see side bar of blog in description. I totally stole that one from myself.)

14- I once had my natal chart done by an astrologist and I thought it was absolutely fascinating and extremely accurate.

15- I have a problem going to bed at any sort of reasonable hour (obviously).

16- I think the words tuba, sofa and galoshes are really funny.

17- When I was in high school my friends and I would, on occasion, drag State in Salt Lake in my big, 1 ton, dual axle, crew cab Chevy Truck. (It was a less frightening State Street back then) It had a broken push-button radio... so no music, but we didn't let that stop us. We would start singing a song, complete with harmony, and if we forgot the words or finished the song, one of us would push a button like we were changing station and we'd have to scramble to think of another song. It was a party! And when we were feeling really crazy, we'd find the car full of the most preppy, cheerleader-looking girls and we'd pretend to hit on them, just to see their reaction. Yes, we were stupid, but man was it funny!

18- My house eats light bulbs. My dad says that's not a good sign. Maybe we should get that checked out?

19- I love to read. I eat books even faster than my house eats light bulbs.

20- I have really amazing people in my life that I am proud to call friends.

21- Laughing really hard is my favorite thing to do.

22- I have the most generous and adoring husband. We truly have a great relationship, a fact I am grateful for on a daily basis. Also, I could eat my children, they are so cute, not to mention smart and sweet!

23- I have to go to bed now. The laundry was changed 22 minutes ago. (this does not apply anymore. Maybe I should have a new random item in here? How 'bout this: I like to freak people out with this "eye thing" that I do. But I have to know you REALLY well, or I won't do it. I've been told that I could be in a horror movie all by myself because I'm so freaky when I do this face and the thing with my eyes. If you want to see it, come hang out with me more...)

24- I wish felt more comfortable dancing. Maybe I should get hypnotized? I was hypnotized once at a hypnotist show and he told us we were famous people. I was Sarah McLaughlin and I stood up and sang "Angel" a'capella on stage in front of several hundred people. Previous to this experience, I was PETRIFIED to sing a solo, and after, almost no fear at all. Totally amazing.

25- When walking down the sidewalk,I draw 'X'es in my mind on the sidewalk squares. Then I have to step in the triangles that are created by the X without touching the imaginary lines.

The End.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Muscle Memory

I went running at 9 o'clock tonight. I have two friends, Rachel and Maria, who I ran with last summer/fall and both of them have been saying we should start running again. I agreed, but I couldn't seem to wrap my life or body around the idea. Today was the perfect day. Well, tonight was the night, anyway.

It was a stressful day (had an extra 4 children from 7:30am until 4:30pm.... they were good, but extra children just make a more wearying day) and then a frustrating evening (Mac and Dustin... they... er.... rubbed each other the wrong way tonight). I got the call from Maria in the afternoon and looked forward to it more and more as the day wore on. Or should I say, as the day wore on me?

The weather was actually nice today, which made the night perfect! I was a little nervous to run, I will admit. I was a novice runner last summer and had worked myself up to about 2 1/2 miles. I haven't done much, ok- anything, since then, except the aforementioned aerobics of the last two weeks and I was scared. But, my fear turned to elation as I paced myself around a 2.34 mile loop! We stopped and walked once in the middle but only for a very short distance. And we walked the last tiny bit before we reached her truck. I did have mild feelings of impending death as we sprinted the last bit, but, as you can see, I lived to report!

Go, body, GO!!!!!

(I will add... but only in parentheses... that Maria kicked my tRAsH in the sprint. But it's not a competition, right? I'll keep telling myself that, but next time, or maybe the time after that, Maria, you'd better watch your tRAsH!) ;-)

Friday, April 3, 2009

Friday's Fabulous Five

This is going to be a slight variation on the usual FFF. This is more like Friday's Random Five.

1- Lots of moments throughout my day, I think in FaceBook statuses. "Clancy is smelling something yucky in her garbage... time to take it out." or "Clancy needs to clean her room." or "Clancy wonders if she can Fedex bugs?" or "Clancy's happy for Maria, and sad at the same time... all wrapped up in one pretty package." or "Clancy should really get rid of those socks she bought when she was in 7th grade."

Do you think that's a clue that I spend too much time on FaceBook?

2- Sometimes I say I'm going to do something, and then I don't do it. It bothers me a lot when I do that. A lot.

3- I love my ring that I wear on my pinki. It was my Grandma's and I think of her every time I look at it.

4- I love my hair short. I don't know how long this "growing it out" thing is going to last...

5- Ella is the most animated, theatrical, and dramatic child ever. AND she has excellent pitch for a 6 year old. She throws marshmallows while singing "Popcorn Popping" in an adorable manner too.

See... lots of fabulousness in there, but lots of randomness too...


Thursday, April 2, 2009


I always think of my boyfriend in high school when I hear the word 'agitate'. I can't really remember why...

Today. (today, meaning Wednesday, but I'm posting after midnight, so... ya know...) Today was a weird, weird day. I lazied around all morning. I was reading New Moon, AGAIN. I like New Moon better than I used to. I like that Edward goes away. And I even swing for Team Edward. Weird.

Anyway. Then I went and got my kids from school. When I got home, my friend was parked out in front of my house. She had come over to drop off something that Ella left at her house. And she stayed and helped me dip a table full of caramel pretzels in chocolate. But not before she washed my dishes for me. And not before I ran around picking up, feeling embarrassed by the state of my house.... and it wasn't even that bad, compared to my past messy-house experiences. My room is still a freakin' disaster, but that's beside the point. My room has a door. A door that I always shut. But, laundry was ALL OVER the bathroom floor. Dishes from last night all over the table, not to mention the counter top and sink. And other stuff was scattered about. Like I said, it's been MUCH worse, but I was so anxious. Plus, I hadn't eaten lunch and she made me a tuna-fish sandwich. In my own house. I loved it. Best tuna sandwich ever. But... I felt a little silly. As I wandered around, I realized, again, that I suck at having people in my house. In my space. I did a post about that once which I was going to hyperlink to, but it's too hard to find right now. And I'm tired. But I have things to say. With lots of periods and small sentences. And less than desirable grammar.

So, back to my realization that I had already realized before that moment....

I get anxious with people in my house. Some people. Sometimes. There's no hard and fast rule about who I'm anxious with, what I'm anxious about, and when I'm anxious... or not. I've had this friend in my house many times. Sometimes I get worked up. Other times, not at all. Today I was worked up. I laughed at myself mid-anxiousness. I had some thoughts about why the anxiety comes. I tried sharing them just now, but, clearly, I'm not feeling very eloquent tonight and it didn't work out to write out my whys. But. I had some interesting thoughts, and you know what?, I felt better after I thought them.

Moving on. Dinner time. I made dinner. (I've been rockin' the dinner scene... well, sort of) We were sitting down and eating as a little family. All was well. Something was said or something happened and I can't even tell you what it was, but I was suddenly agitated. I was done eating, but I was the only one and it was all I could do to stay in my chair. I did. For a few more minutes. Then I remembered that I needed to go email someone something and I got up, cleared my dishes and went to the computer without a word. Rude. I didn't care though.

It was unidentifiable. Unknown. Unnamed and unrecognized. I had no idea why I was so worked up... I just felt downright crazy. I don't like to feel something without knowing why I'm feeling it. I like to dig down to the root and check it out, take a sample, take it back to the lab, run tests, analyze and examine and write reports. But I couldn't find my shovel. It was MIA. The rest of the night passed and I was short-tempered, short-fused and all those other short-words that mean I was agitated, irritable and grumpy. Dustin went to karate. (he got his black belt on Saturday, YAY! for him!!) I had to put the kids to bed. I was trying REALLY hard to be semi-nice, but after I got them in bed I was thinking of changing my FaceBook status to: Clancy is a mean mom. But I'm not.... normally. So I didn't change it. Then Dustin came home. He was being all nice and stuff. Sweet. Sweet, like only my husband can be. I was doing the same thing with him as with my kids...(Clancy is a mean wife... sometimes)... trying to be nice when all I felt like doing was kicking a hole in a wall. I told him I feel agitated. I don't feel well. I feel crazy. I feel like how other people describe PMS-irritability (which I don't normally get). He said, "I don't like it when you say that." I didn't like his comment very much, but I was still trying to keep my foot on the floor instead of in a wall. I decided I needed to finish dipping apples. RIGHT then. Do not wait. Do not Pass Go. Do not collect $200. (seriously, what does $200 bucks buy you these days? Not much.)

So, I went and started. Got the caramel all hot. Talked to my husband who came in the room where I was. Had a moment of non-agitation while relating a FaceBook story from yesterday about women and our intuition. Dustin laughed at this one part, and said, "Women!" But it was totally true. No man would EVER have a FB exchange like the one that went on between my friend and I. Ever.

Went and layed by D in bed for a minute. He was turning in. We held hands and I said a prayer that I didn't feel like saying in the least, but, was just what I needed to do, perfectly so. Dang it. Why does it always have to be that way?

Left him to go to sleep while I dipped the plain apples. I needed tunes and went to find my iPod. Then I saw the laundry I've been working on all afternoon/evening. Then I folded more, changed loads, etc... Then I decided that I wanted to vent on my blog. Then FaceBook sucked me in for a little while. Then I went back to the blog. I sat and stared at my computer screen and discovered that I wanted to vent, but I did'nt want to write anything 'moving' or 'cryptic' or 'emotional'... too much work tonight. Then I had an epiphany. What if I just blabbed? Blabbed and blabbed and blabbed. And so I did. And I never got back to the apples...