Missing Manic Monday: Bit

When my Grandma Carol passed away I inherited a double bed that was in her house.  It was the very bed Dustin and I always slept in when we went to stay there.  This bed is now where Mac sleeps.  I was tucking him in tonight and as he was saying his prayer I had my face down on his bed.  As I laid there with my nose buried in his blankets, I realized that there is a lingering bit of the scent of my grandma's house embedded in the mattress.  It was a very faint trace, but as I caught that smell I started crying.

I would give almost anything in this world to be able to walk into my precious grandmother's house one more time and inhale that distinct Grandma-Carol's-house smell, walk up her brown-carpeted stairs, into her kitchen and see her sitting at her dining room table or on her couch and soak up the warmth of her smile as her face lights up in greeting.

I miss her so acutely in this moment. 

Grandma Carol and my baby Ella Brae, 2002

Friday's Fabulous Five

This is going to be a slight variation on the usual FFF. This is more like Friday's Random Five.

1- Lots of moments throughout my day, I think in FaceBook statuses. "Clancy is smelling something yucky in her garbage... time to take it out." or "Clancy needs to clean her room." or "Clancy wonders if she can Fedex bugs?" or "Clancy's happy for Maria, and sad at the same time... all wrapped up in one pretty package." or "Clancy should really get rid of those socks she bought when she was in 7th grade."

Do you think that's a clue that I spend too much time on FaceBook?


2- Sometimes I say I'm going to do something, and then I don't do it. It bothers me a lot when I do that. A lot.


3- I love my ring that I wear on my pinki. It was my Grandma's and I think of her every time I look at it.


4- I love my hair short. I don't know how long this "growing it out" thing is going to last...


5- Ella is the most animated, theatrical, and dramatic child ever. AND she has excellent pitch for a 6 year old. She throws marshmallows while singing "Popcorn Popping" in an adorable manner too.

See... lots of fabulousness in there, but lots of randomness too...

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Manic Monday: Season

As I was flipping through the idea file in my brain for what to write on for the word season, my computer was flipping through pictures via my screen saver. This image surfaced on my computer:


Ella and my endlessly amazing Grandma Carol.

And this scripture surfaced in my mind:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2


I've mentioned before that my Grandma was sunshine in human form. She embodied all that is good in this world. She has been on my mind.

When we had Thanksgiving at her home, we would often arrive the night before and stay at her house. I would wake up and help her get everything ready. I would set the table, wash and peel potatoes with her, clean the house, make the Jello, make the clam dip or just keep her company as she went about her preparations. Each year she would vocalize a question wondering how she ever did this without me there to help. She would carry on about how it was much funner with me there. I know she managed just fine in my absence, but her praise bolstered my self-worth and earmarked my existence as one that was worthy and absolute.

I lived a season of my life with my incredible grandmother's direct influence and then, as they inevitably do, the seasons changed leaving a vacant hole where once had been her welcoming home and heart... the physical form of she.

I miss her so much. In her season that she filled to capacity with devotion, respect and generosity of spirit, she planted herself into the heart and soul of every person who was privy to her influence. She exuded love and acceptance to all she encountered. She smiled before she said 'hello' on the phone and you could hear her smile in every nuance of conversation. She always increased the value of anything or anyone she touched, and her love was never conditional, but unequivocal and endless.

And, as there was a season for her life, so there is a season for me to "pluck up that which is planted". She planted these gifts for me to nourish and share, a lesson taught in each memory.

If the world could only have a few more Grandma Carols in it there would be more smiles and more laughter. More joy and more acceptance. More tongue bitting and more words of encouragement. More grace and more beauty. More sunshine in human form.

I love you and miss you, Grandma. Thank you for the gift that your life was.

My Heritage

Any of you who have known me or read my blog for a while know that singing is vitally important to me. It makes me HAPPY. It makes me light. It brings me so much joy and satisfaction. It's also in my blood, reaching back generations.

I had a jar post a while ago where I talked about my aunts. I said I would try to get some recordings of my aunt Tana singing on here.... well, tonight I figured out how. These are not professionally recorded, but they are incredibly sweet. This was recorded on a reel to reel around twenty years ago or more. (I think!) It is my maternal grandmother and my aunt Tana singing. Tana is also playing the guitar. The first two songs, Free and Bright Light, my grandma wrote. The last one, The Sweetest Gift, someone else wrote, but it is my favorite. This is such a treasure to me that I have these recordings of my Grandma and my aunt singing together. My grandma is the lower voice, Tana, the higher. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Boomp3.com

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Those three are very folk sounding, but here is my aunt in her big performance voice... I believe this was recorded at her church's Christmas Eve program. My favorite is at the end when the choir comes in behind her.... it gives me chills.

Boomp3.com