Missing Manic Monday: Preview

Sorry I've not been giving a preview of these words on Fridays.  I keep forgetting.  I've been going out of town a lot and when do we leave?  On Fridays.  I was sorely tempted to pick a different word today when I saw preview... click on the next word until I found one I felt like writing about.  But that was the whole point of using the random word generator... randomness.  The thing I liked about Mo's Manic Monday was I had to figure out how to incorporate whatever word he came up with into my blog post.  Not pick a word I felt like writing about and go from there.  So, I kept preview.

Is it just me or does going out of town stress you out?  Here is my normal modus operandi when I'm preparing to go out of town:

• Think about all the packing I need to do. (even if "all the packing" is not very much packing)
• Think about it some more.
• Think about how I want my house clean because who wants to come home to a messy house?
• Friday morning rolls around and I think some more about how I want things clean and what I need to do.
• Do all the laundry I have piled up.  For some reason, I feel compelled to have completely empty laundry baskets when I leave town.  Although in recent weeks, this has changed because of our new bathroom in the basement.  You see, it's half bathroom, half laundry room, complete with a five foot folding countertop.  It's amazing!  I am suddenly the Laundress Queen Extraordinaire and I do my laundry, folded and put away ALL.  THE.  TIME.  It's simply amazing what a difference a beautiful space does to your desire, not to mention functionality, of keeping it in order.  
• Think about how I need to clean out the car before we leave, because who wants to travel in a messy car?  
• Get stressed out by all the things I need to.
• "Rest" from all the thinking via brain-check-out, courtesy of the internet.
• Waste too much time online and finally pull myself away. 
• Mentally kick myself because I've wasted so much time and I have so much to do.
• Run around like a crazy person trying to get ready.  This stage involves a lot of sweaty armpits and may or may not involve *actually* cleaning the car and my house, depending on just how much time got wasted on the internet.  (Yes, I just said sweaty armpits on my blog.  Uncensored.)
• Leave at least one hour later than I wanted to. 
• More metal butt-kicking.
• Fall asleep in car, conditions pending.  *This final step has temporarily been bumped from "pending" to "omitted" thanks to the recent addition of one Brynja Leigh to our family.  :o)

 Do you see why I get stressed out about leaving town? 

For those of you who may be shaking your head in disbelief at my self-sabotaging ways (myself included), I would like to report that, while this has been my *normal* M.O. for most of my life (except the internet part... that particular distraction only showed up in the last five years or less), I am slowly changing my ways.  The old Clancy was so dependably late.  It was just ridiculous.  And, thus, the old Clancy would mentally rip herself to ribbons.  The inner critic had a heyday between the time-wasting, messy house, messy car, piles of laundry, and extreme lateness to top it all off.  It was a Self-Deprecation Party of epics proportions. 

But.

The new Clancy (which is actually still the old Clancy, but a Clancy that is trying everyday to improve herself in small ways and learning to love herself unconditionally regardless of her apparent successes or failures) has, for the last few out-of-town excursions, been ready at a decent time with, at minimum, a partially clean house, or a house at a higher level of clean than she started the day with. 

This last Friday, I managed to be ready by about 4:00, which was the time we were slotted to leave.  We didn't leave until about 6:00, but this was, in fact, due to Big O Tires and not due to Clancy.  We took our car in for new tires, an alignment and a replacement of "sway bar bushings" (whatever those are) and ended up having to replace the "inner tie rods" as well.  So, an extra $200 and an additional two hours, we left feeling much safer on our journey to the City of Salt. 

I'm so proud of me.  :-)

Distracted

I was right in the middle of a veritable cleaning frenzy.  And now I'm distracted by my blog.  I need to write things.  I love to read them later.  I just reread "Bounce" and it satisfied me to read it, silly as it was.  And so...

My older three children are on a little trip right now.  Dustin's parents met us halfway(ish) between our house and theirs and picked up Mac, Ella and Rohan.  This morning the kiddos got to ride on a passenger train of Union Pacific's.  I don't know details except that they were excited.  I can't wait to hear about it. 

This was important to Marsha, my mother-in-law, because her father was a train engineer for Union Pacific for a long long time.  He retired with UP.  She wanted her grandchildren to have an experience with trains and I wanted to be supportive of that desire.  Not to mention my kids were STOKED to ride a train.  I thought it sounded fun myself!  But the thought of driving anywhere of any distance with my newish baby and without my husband makes me sweat.  Brynja does not, particularly, enjoy riding in the car.  So, we met them halfway and they took our kids and are keeping them for a couple days, which is a nice little break for me, coupled with the duality of missing them.  *sigh*

Speaking of Brynja, she and I went on a long walk this morning.  One hour, to be exact.  I haven't moved my body very much since she was born.  (or before, for that matter)  It was excellent.  I am anxious to get myself moving and get my body back into shape.  Miss B seemed to like the stroller.  She hasn't liked it much so far, but she's almost three months old now and she's becoming more aware of the world beyond the 3 feet surrounding her person.  I think that made the difference in her stroller-enjoyment factor this morning, plus the fact that it was finally a pleasant temperature outside (hello, it's June 15th!  'Bout time, I say!). 

Garage sale is still pending.  I'm shooting for this weekend now.  It's rather an involved process, preparing for it.  And so, I best get back at it, the cleaning and yard-sale prep. 

The Saturday Morning Miracle

Just thought I'd share the coolest sound in the whole world with you. Well, the coolest sound in my whole world, anyway.

It happened last Saturday morning. I had stayed up too late the night before. You see, Dustin usually goes to karate on Saturday mornings from 7:00am to 9:00am. Last Saturday was no exception. He went. I vaguely remember kissing him goodbye, as I was still sleeping at 6:45.

Around our house, the typical Saturday morning goes something like this: D goes to karate and about 20 minutes later my kids wake up. Rohan wakes up first... or Ella, but mostly Rohan... and he wants me to get him a bowl of cereal. The little stinker! Doesn't he know that I want to sleep in on a Saturday!! At least a tiny bit! Please!!!? Anyway, then follows the rest of the kids and I try to pretend I'm still sleeping until I hear them fighting or something and I have to yell at them to be nice or get their little fannies spanked or go to time-out or some other really mean threat. Did you know that pretending to be sleeping and yelling at your kids are not congruent? They don't fit very well. It's usually around that time that I get up out of bed and act like a human being for the day.

So, that's the norm. But last Saturday, as I told you, Dustin left for karate and I went back to sleep. The next thing I heard was Rohan saying he wanted cereal. Groaning, I started to try to put him off, but realized he was not in my room, nor was he talking to his mother. It was then that I heard the most beautiful thing an up-to-late-wanting-to-sleep-in mommy could hear; my ears were caressed by the melodious sound of Dustin's deep voice telling Rohan to go pee while he got him some cereal. Dustin was, in fact, not at karate but was home and getting Rohan his beloved bowl of Life cereal while I lay in my bed.


HEAVEN!


I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. Those few times I woke, I heard something even more wonderful... Dustin telling the kids to "leave Mom alone... she's sleeping!"


RAPTURE!


I thought that life could not be sweeter, but let me tell you about my husband... He is sweetness with a thick coating of muscle and grit. As I came more fully awake, my senses keyed into the noises around the house... the activity that was occurring. I still heard my dashing husband asking my darling children to leave me alone and let me sleep (I let him continue with that for a while, event though I was fully awake by then), but I heard something even better. As I listened, I realized that Dustin was ordering the kids around telling them, "We are cleaning this house and we are cleaning it well!"...with nary a whine from the children!


ECSTASY!!!


Shortly after, I revealed myself to be amongst the living. I cleaned my room while Dustin continued to boss the kids. They worked from 7:30am until almost noon. No fights were had, minimal whining was heard... it was one of those little miracles on a Saturday morning that ended with a sparkly clean house.


And there was much rejoicing.

Metamorphosis

I am a work in progress. I am fully aware that everyone who's currently living and breathing is also such.

BUT.

They are not me. We all have different challenges. I've written before of my housecleaning woes. I've lamented and whined and moaned about how I didn't know how to keep a clean house. I've berated and loathed myself for the lack of skills in this arena.

AND.

I am transforming. I'm growing and changing in this capacity. And suddenly, I'm finding that I WANT to do housework. I like it. I derive a great deal of satisfaction from doing laundry. I love to have a sink free of dirty dishes. I knew I loved that all along, but I didn't know how to keep it that way. Now, I'm learning how. I'm doing well.

SO.

I'm teaching my children.

Clancy Revealed

whim (hwm, wm)
n.
1. A sudden or capricious idea; a fancy.
2. Arbitrary thought or impulse: governed by whim.


Every morning I wake up and know exactly what I'm doing for the whole day and I always get it all done. Oh wait. Nope! That's not me at all. In fact, I'm the perfect opposite of that statement. I roll more like this: I wake up every morning not knowing what I'm doing for the day. Or this: I rarely have a plan when I wake in the morning.

I suppose I do have a few things in my day that are certain. Get kids up. Brush teeth and hair. Feed kids. Put on my slippers to drive kids to school. Come back home. That's pretty much it. Those are the certainties, the definites, the known-factors that make up my day-to-day life. Oh yeah, and there's also the pick up kids from school and the do homework part. And most days I even make some sort of dinner. Go, me.

Enter Whim, stage left.

Today I didn't have a plan, just like every other day. I got the known factors off to school and then it's just me and Whim. Or, Whim and I, if we're being technical. Well, if we're being REALLY technical, it's me, Rohan, and Whim... or Whim, Rohan and I? Suddenly I can't remember what's correct. You get the picture though, right? (Feel free to help me out, Larrie.)

Yes, Whim and I. We settle in to a perfect rhythm of doing whatever we want. Sometimes it's things that we need to get done, sometimes it's things that we want to get done, and, far too often, it's simply getting nothing done. (FYI: Facebook = nothing)

I am not a planner by nature. I don't check things off of lists. That would be because I don't do lists. My day goes more like a grocery sack in a courtyard on a windy afternoon. Have you ever watched a grocery sack in a courtyard in the wind? It's hypnotic. You never know where it's going to go. Just like my day. Every day.

I don't necessarily like this little facet of myself. In fact, there are some days, not all of them, but some days when I HATE it. Yes, I said hate. Strong word. I know. I wouldn't use it for today's blustery day, though. You see, Whim carried me to my bedroom. Whim told me to clean it. My room was in dire, desperate, S.O.S-kind of shape. It needed cleaning and it need it bad. And not only did I clean the floor that was heaped with lots of ___________ (fill in the blank, it was probably there in a pile), but I also made my dresser and nightstand look cute, dusting included. I can't even begin to think of the last time this dresser event occurred. I'm thinking not so much in the "months-ago" category, but the "years-ago". For real.

I will also mention that Whim also had me cleaning out flower beds and picking up bits of garbage strewn throughout my yard. It was 63 degrees today. It was a good thing. But you know what's funny? I only cleaned out the flower beds and the yard because I was taking the garbage from my bedroom (and I grabbed the one in the bathroom and the kitchen while I was at it) out to the cans in the alley. And when I was walking back I saw the garbage here and there, so I picked it up. Then I saw big weeds starting to grow back from last year, so I pulled them. Then I saw last-years dead growth on the perennials so I pulled that. Then I saw this big black garbage bag full of saw-dust (long story) that I wanted to throw away. It was really heavy so I asked my neighbor (who was also outside) to help me move it to the garbage. We moved it and then we talked for a while. I have cleaning ADD. I never got back to the bedroom. It's only mostly clean now. I'll take it though.

So, the point to this... essay? rant? babble? sream of consciousness?... let's go with babble. The point of this babble is to reveal (to whoever cares) a few things about myself. Let's pretend I'm a list maker and I'll tell them to you in list form.

Clancy is babbling to explore the following:

1- I'm human. Yep. Just human. I've got faults. This is a potential one.

2- My word choice in item #1 intentionaly leads us into item #2. I say Whim is a potential fault because it's not always a bad thing to be 'governed by whim'. There are lots of positives. I *don't get bent out of shape very easily if things don't go as planned. That's because "planned" is a very loose word for me. I *go with the flow. I *have fun with whatever I'm doing. I'm *spontaneous.

*I would like to interject that I'm not ENTIRELY this way either, just mostly. There are rare occasions that I do plan something and if it doesn't go 'as planned', I feel disgruntled and have been known to be *gasp* GRUMPY.

3- I want to learn a different way to live. I want to wake up with a plan. I want to have lists that I check off. I want to be systematic rather than always being a grocery sack carried on Whim.

4- I need a teacher. I don't know how to do item #3. I learned a while ago that if you want to learn to do something, you have to find someone who already knows how to do it and have them mentor you. (I recently experienced this phenomenon with a family who mentored me in things that they didn't even know they were mentoring me on until I told them they were... interesting the quiet example someone can be, and how totally unaware they can be of their influence on you.)

Well, that's all I've got for now. Four items. Seems like a measley little list, but for a non-list girl, it'll do.

So, is there anyone out there who wants to teach me how to be less like a grocery sack?

Tue Pose a Question

Confessional: I am a crappy housekeeper. I've got a whole book written in my head about that very sentence. I loathe this facet of myself. Maybe some of you who have a clean house don't understand the gravity with which I use the word loathe. Loathe, as in to feel disgust or intense aversion for; to abhor, deplore, despise, hate, or scorn; to regard with extreme dislike and hostility. Yes, loathe.

Don't we all want to look like a shiny new penny... not the corroded green, sticky, can't-tell-what-year-it-is penny that screeches under the wheel of your grocery cart? I think the answer to that is yes. That's why we women wear makeup, right? To show the shiny-penny side of ourselves? Well, I'd rather go out without makeup a thousand-and-three times than have someone come into my house when it's really messy. It makes me anxious. It makes me near hyperventilation. It makes me feel like I am going to vomit. If one's mind could go to jail for assault on themselves, my little brain would be locked up for life, lifting weights while it quietly awaits the electric chair. It's that bad folks.

I grew up in a messy house and I haven't yet learned the ways of good housekeeping. I'm trying to ease up on myself because I'm doing the best I know how with the arsenal my childhood equipped me with. So... the question(s) I'd like to ask, which I have no answer for (as noted above), is: How do you keep your house clean? What is your routine? Do you have certain chores on certain days of the week? How do you enlist your children in these duties without a big 'ole nasty fight? Is there a specific time of day you clean, or is it all the live-long day?

My dream is to learn how to love myself, regardless of the state of my house. That is the goal. I'm pretty sure, because of the severe intensity of my feelings around this matter, that it is a deeper issue than just a clean house or a messy house, but I haven't yet dug in that dark corner of my mind to uncover what that might be. Until I am ready to get out the pick and shovel, or jack-hammer and backhoe as the case may be, maybe I can pick up a few pointers from all of you, my lovely friends. :)

Non-stop!!

How does a house get so out of control? Where did all this crap come from in my basement? Why don't I see things until they're completely taking over?

I have been cleaning today. I would love to be a part of some group like AA, but for people with a perpetually messy house. I need a twelve step program. I need a mentor and I need accountability!!! Ugh!

I have been cleaning non-stop since about 10:15 this morning and it is now 6:01 pm! I've made some excellent progress. I had a good sized cardboard box that I filled with junk for the D.I. (thrift store). I not only filled it but piled it as high as my shoulder (approximately)! And that was not even today's work, it was the other day. Dustin took that box to the D.I. this morning and then I filled a large, black garbage bag with toys and clothes and such that is waiting to go BYE BYE!!!

Do you ever feel like throwing EVERYTHING in your house away? I guess is Spring Fever, but I am just itchin' to de-junk my house. I read a great book called Hidden Treasures and it talks about "The Vacuum Law of Prosperity". I've been testing it out today! I am ditching that green recliner that I have "saved" for our family room that we are going to have when we finally get around to remodeling our basement. I don't even like the chair, but I've "saved" it for our family room that doesn't exist yet! Silly! Anyway... it's going AWAY now, and I'm excited!