I Heart Landlording

In my landlording "career" I've had many firsts. First time taking someone to small claims court. First time evicting someone. First time confronting recently evicted tenant and letting them know that, no matter how much I like them, they have to get out and get out now because I can no longer foot the bill for their existence. First time having serious destruction (seven broken windows, broken doors, broken yard, broken cashflow, broken heart) of my property by my tenant, who later became eviction #2 for me. First time getting a call... "My fridge/stove/dishwasher/dryer/furnace/brain is broken, can you come fix it?" First time getting a phsycotic text message from my tenant full of curses and threats and general awfulness.

The list could go on for MUCH longer, but I shall stop there. I would like to focus on my most recent first.

Today, my very nice tenant, who's rent was due yesterday which puts them in default today, came over with her son and a kind request. Her twelve-year old son serves as the (semi-lousy) interpreter because he is the only one who speaks English aside from the six and three year old daughters.

They first assured me that rent would be paid either tomorrow or Friday and the request went as follows:

"We need a letter from you." says twelve year old.

"OK, what kind of letter?" I say.

(turns and asks his mother, in Spanish, and turns back to me.) "A letter that says we need to pay."

My eyebrows knit in confusion. "OK, I guess I don't understand."

(more babbling in Spanish) "You know, like a letter saying we need to pay and how much we need to pay."

"Ummm, well, I can just tell you that you need to pay $SUCHandSUCH amount, and there will be $THISMUCH in late fees if you pay after tomorrow and $THISMUCH if you pay on Friday."

(more Spanish, and then a flourish of a piece of paper) "This is what we need."

I look over the piece of paper that he hands me and, aside from seeing that it's a form for some sort of one-time rent assistance, I can't really tell what it is except that it has a bulleted list of required items such as:

• -Copy of rental agreement or contract
• -Landlord name, address and phone number
• -Eviction notice
• -W-9 form filled out by landlord
• -Three month plan and budget
  

I can't recall any more of the 7 or 8 bulleted items, but after reading it several times I point to one of the items and ask the twelve year old, "You need me to give you an eviction notice?" He looks at me, confused, like he hasn't a clue what an eviction notice is. I rephrase, "You want me to give you a paper saying if you don't pay me in three days, then you get kicked out?"

"Yes!" he nods emphatically and babbles something to his mother. She nods too.

"You want me to give you a 3-Day Eviction Notice?" Flabbergasted would be a good way to describe my expression, voice, body language, aura, cosmic field, and energy frequencies...

"Yeah" says the twelve year old.

"Really?"

More nodding and smiling.

"Oooookaaay... I'll just go print it up for you...."

And so I did.

They gave me a "Gracias" and a "Buenas noches, " and they were on their way with their eviction notice in-hand and a few more "Gracias's" for good measure.

Weird.