From The Jar... #27

Last night (Tuesday night) we had a grand time at my parents house helping them decorate their tree. It was lovely and the kids were in heaven. No wait, it was I who was in heaven. OK, we were all in heaven... my celestial experience was listening to my kids' exuberant exclamations as they pulled out each of my mom's fun ornaments. (and she has ALOT of them!) I would hear, from the other room, Rohan saying "Wuk, MAC! Wuk at dis widdle house!!!" and then Ella, "OHHHH, Grandma! I LOVE this one!! It's so pretty!" Tender feelings exuded from my weary-of-being-a-single-mom-on-the-weekdays heart. I really do love my kids. Even if I say the words "BE NICE, PLEASE" eight-hundred and fifty-two-thousand times per day. Do you think if I recorded myself saying that and played it subliminally in their sleep that they actually would be nice to eachother? Hmm...

And the Jar says...


Do you remember any special feelings you had as a child? Fears, fantasies, etc.


Uhhh.... well, let's see. I wouldn't call fears "special", but I remember I was terrified of rats. I had never even seen one, but I had dreams about them all the time. A recurring dream, in fact....

I was trapped among a sea of rats on a couch on a random porch and I knew if I got down I would get rabies from one of them rubbing their noses on me. Yes, in my dream, you contracted rabies from a rat's Eskimo kiss. They all left me alone, except the king rat spotted me and came running toward me. He had an extra long nose with a ball on the end of it... like the top of a clown hat.
Ya. Like that. Anyway, he zeroed in on me and ran up and rubbed his rabies transmitter of a nose on my leg. I always woke up screaming from that dream. I was only about 5 years old. There was also an alley up a block from us where someone (probably my evil older brother or sister) told me the rats lived. They scratched up a telephone pole in that alley and lived in a scary garage. I wouldn't go into that alley. Ever. I would run past the opening of it when I had to walk that way.

I was also terrified of the husks that locusts would leave on the trees around my Grandma's house in Houston. They have little grippy things on their legs and my [evil] brother and sister would put them all over their shirts and chase me and throw them at me. I'm pretty sure I'm still scarred from it. ;)

Fantasies as a child... hmmm. Any room I walked into I would imagine myself standing on the wall, parallel with the floor and jumping off of the wall and doing handsprings over and over until I could go through the window on the opposite wall feet first. I still do this in rooms to this day, but not every room and just when I get bored.

I also remember babysitting kids as a pre-teen (12 or so) and pretending they were mine and that my husband would be gone somewhere and I would kiss him when he walked in the door upon his return and my life would be like a scene from Leave It to Beaver.

I remember putting on concerts for my little friends when I was about 5 or 6. I would stand on the stage and they would request songs and I'd sing them. I liked to pretend that I was a real singer on a real stage, and I was famous, and pretty, and grown up.

I remember being Red Sonja with my big sword (stick) when we were camping. I would swing it with vigor and kill all the enemies (little dead sticks on dead, beetle-killed pine trees). That was a fantasy I shared with my siblings.

I remember imagining if I died and wondering if people would really miss me. I wondered what they would say at my funeral. I wondered if I could watch from heaven and see their tears and feel important and loved.

I remember very special feelings when I would turn off all the lights, turn on my family's definitive Christmas CD, The Gift, and listen while I stared at the magic of our Christmas tree. And if the tree was in a certain spot, I would sit by the heater while I basked in the warm glow. I remember thinking that life couldn't get any better.

But, it has.