Manic Monday: Bug

I glance up at the tell-tale squeak from the spring on the screen door. A glimpse of his hair tells me he went for a ride on his bike. That perfect wind-blown puff is not achieved any other way. I know if I was a little closer I would be able to see traces of bugs on his face or neck. Or perhaps nestled in that pompadour hairdo. His eyes shine as they always do after a ride. After more than eleven years of knowing him, ten of those as his wife, this boyish love of speed on a motorcycle has not waned.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm good." I smile back even though I don't feel like it. "How was your bike ride?"

"Good!" he nearly giggles.

He's closer to me now, and I can smell the exhaust on his clothing. I used to hate that smell. His delight threatens to sweep me out of my black mood as the smell of motorcycle plucks, from the stash in my mind, a memory of a time when the weight on our shoulders was not so elephantine...



We drove by that lot a dozen times before he ever said it. "I think I'm gonna offer that guy a hundred bucks for that bike."

"Ummm... okay. Are you sure?" I felt panicky. We had only been married a month and I was nineteen years old. A hundred dollars for a bike that hasn't run for who knows how many years? A hundred dollars felt like a thousand to me. I knew he could get it running though. He proved that with those crappy dirt bikes Josh gave my dad while we were engaged. "Well, if you're sure it's worth it... I guess so," I said skeptically.

My worries were unfounded in the end. In fact, I was grateful for that bike. Hot summer nights found us riding down Main Street on our way to a movie, or to the ice cream shop, or to nowhere-in-particular. Stoplights brought awareness of the asphalt under our feet, still blazing with the heat of the sun, long since set. Those nowhere-in-particular rides left me shivering as we passed fields of alfalfa or wheat with their rainbird sprinklers dropping the temperature but still greeting us with their friendly chatter. Arms wrapped around him and breathing in the scent of him, I would kiss his neck or his earlobes to annoy him. Any other time, annoy would not be the word of choice for that action, but, at sixty miles per hour, a kiss that was even the slightest bit wet made for a cold neck or earlobe and he would growl at me to stop. Laughter would inevitably bubble up from my throat at his hollow threats. Any cares we might have had were whipped away by the wind, leaving us alone in our sixty mile-per-hour world.

"Hey," he says snapping me back to the present moment. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I sigh. I wish I could stay in that memory forever. But my power is not in memories, it is in this moment. I am here, now.

The Euphoria of Responsibility

A beginning tonight. A sweet, gentle beginning.

Hold my hand, she says.

Every step of the way, I promise her.

I don't think I can do this, she trembles.

You, too, were born for this, I whisper from my heart. That is why you feel the spark. I know because I felt the same and still do. No matter how many times I've tried and failed to walk away.

Joy, friendship, learning, knowledge, power, passion, progress, discipline, love, laughter... a list unending... that is what begins this night for you, my friend.

From The Jar... #9

It's been ar crazy busy day and I'm not in the mood for a hard jar post, and of course, I picked one... And the jar says....


What are you most precious values?

In no particular order...

Peace. I am a peacemaker. I can be a fighter, but I mostly just want everyone to get along.

Cleanliness and order. I didn't say I had all these values, but they are the most precious. I want things to be clean and orderly and I tend to beat myself up because I don't always know how to have this.

Communication. I hate when people don't communicate. I hate when people keep things to themselves that should be spoken. It leaks out all over the place anyway. I can feel it and it's not authentic and honest when it's just swallowed. (I'm talking about myself here too...)

Progress and Personal Growth. I really value continuous improvement and the pursuit of excellence.

Patriotism. I found out this last fourth of July that I am a patriot. I knew it before, but it was an intense experience this time.

Discipline. Again, I don't have a ton of this, but it is a precious value to me and I am working toward having more of it in my life.

Faith. What more can I say. The lifeblood of the universe...

Family. This is what it's all about in my world. (and I've said it before... friends are the family we choose! In this life, that is!)

Freedom. This is becoming more and more precious to me as it is regarded less and less in our country.

Goodness, Wholesomeness. I believe these are becoming an endangered species in our media today. That's why I mostly don't participate in our media today.

Gratitude. I know the value of this. I don't give it enough. I strive to do better.

Hard Work. I don't think I do enough of this either, but it is a precious thing wherein countless lessons can be learned.

Honor, Honesty and Integrity. Enough said.

Knowledge and Leadership. It's what we take with us.

Love. No explanation needed.

Loyalty. I can't stand betrayal. Even in a movie. It's painful for me to watch movies where one gives up loyalty and betrays.

Punctuality. Another one I value but kinda suck at in my life.

Service. It just makes you feel good.

Simplicity. I don't always have this either but it's the ideal for me.

Choice. Our greatest gift.

Trust. I love to trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt. That's why being a landlord is a hard thing for me, unless I have people like two of my renters right now.

Truth. I love to find truth from many different angles. It's very satisfying.



There you go!

Manic Monday: Stripe

"Earning your stripes," he said. He's never indulged my whining which is why I've constantly ached for his approval. "That's what you get if you're willing to put in the work. Experience. When you have that under your belt, you will have something totally unique to offer those you encounter. People who wrestle with your same demons will come to you for help. But you can't get to that point without a little elbow grease and a lot of courage."

His words are water on my parched heart and it swells in reaction. You know you can do it! You know you have it in you! My little pep talk in my mind falters as memory of past failures creep across the optimism, like clouds over the sun. I violently shove those dark thoughts away. 'My past IS NOT my future!' If the voice in one's head could spit with the force of the words it thinks, mine would've done just that.

Belief in myself was never my strongest quality, but I am a human being, not a snail on the bottom of the ocean. I was born for this. I came to this planet with a gift called choice. I choose now. I choose today.

Wow!

I am floored. Human beings' capacity for talent is as varied and endless as the human beings that possess these talents. This is something my brother sent to me. It is a little long, so if you don't have 18 minutes to spare, take a few minutes from the start and watch the flutebox guy. Then move to 4:18 (minutes on the bar below) and watch Beardyman for a few minutes. Then skip ahead to 13:30 and watch them together. Have something ready to catch your jaw as it falls to the floor! (and I hope your computer has a big booming sound system with lots of bass for maximum appreciation!)

Happy Fourth of July!

I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating the birth of our nation's independence. I hope you all get a chance to reflect on what this means to you personally.

We have, where I live, an AMAZING fireworks display. The company that puts it on claims that it's the largest fireworks show west of the Mississippi river. We always go to that. The crowds are insane and it takes forever to get home, but it is worth it to be right under it all.

We always go to our smallish parade. My kids love that. Mac's birthday is on the 15th, so he has always called this his parade. We have some sort of barbecue, usually at my mom's but this year will be at my sister Lacy's. (She lives right by the fireworks launch site) Anyway, it's always a fun day for my family.

What are you doing to celebrate? Do you have traditions for this day?

Manic Monday: Pride

I know it's not Monday, but I got home from my trip on Monday at about 11:00 pm and I'd been driving the whole day. I just didn't feel like posting right then. Then other things came up and I never got around to it. Thursday sounded like a good day for Manic Monday! Enjoy...



Pride

One of the pride, swarthy in color, commands prey to run when her stomach rumbles.




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Ella Says the Darndest Things, Episode 3

My Ella is the sweetest, cutest thing. I so love her.

Ella loves to sing. (I wonder where she got that from?) Last school year (Kindergarten) she learned the song "I've Been Working on the Railroad". She and Rohan have been singing this song into our big box fan making their voices wobble. Actually it's EXTRA wobbly because last night the fan fell and broke a blade off which makes it uneven in it's "beat". Anyway, back on track...

We all know the words to this song...

I've been workin' on the railroad all the live long day.
I've been workin' on the railroad just to pass the time away...

Then it goes off into the part about Dinah blowing her horn and Ella sings the following part like this:

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah.
Someone's in the kitchen I knoooowww-
Someone's in the kitchen with Diiiinaaahhhhh
Strummin' on the Ole' Man Joe.

Just in case anyone doesn't know the real words, it's "strummin' on the ole' banjo.

She just plain cracks me up!

From The Jar... #8

And the jar says....


What is your child-rearing philosophy?


What the hey? I don't know that I have a specific "philosophy". I just go by my heart. I try to follow the golden rule... treat my kids how I want to be treated. It works some of the time. Apparently I want someone to fly off the handle at me now and then, cuz I certainly treat my kids that way at times. I am not much of a spanker. Occasionally I have tried it but, more often than not, it just doesn't work. Especially with Mac. He just gets worse if spanking is involved. The best method with him is to set up "the deal"... let him know his boundaries and if he crosses them, be calm but ruthless in f0llow through on what you said would happen. Even if he is screaming and yelling, remaining calm and steady works so much better with him. That being said, it is probably the single hardest thing I've EVER done. Nothing tries me like this process. Knowing that that is how he responds best and remaining calm through all the crap he hurls at me... it's one of my supreme lessons and Mac is such a fantastic teacher for me.

Ella... I don't know if I've yet figured out what her best method is. Kindness for sure. She does not do well with any unkindness. With her, distractions work well... if I can turn a fight into some sort of game, she often forgets it immediately. Like if she doesn't want to leave somewhere, I tell her we'll race to the car and she takes off and ends up laughing.

Rohan... he's responds well to kindness too. Who doesn't, I guess. I have to be very careful with him because he's the youngest. I find myself letting him get away with things that would never fly with his older siblings. I have to watch out for that.

Anyway, I think the best thing is love and kindness. I try to remember the golden rule and remember that they are children. I have a huge responsibility and I feel the weight of that everyday.

Alien Abduction

A road trip to Phoenix makes me believe in alien life. I'm pretty sure there's some strange transporter that zaps you to another planet when you come down out of the mountains at Flagstaff. It's my favorite explanation for the strange world we dropped into... gigantic seguro cacti dotting the landscape, reaching skyward with their strange alien arms.

I have proof, you see. This is me screaming and cowering under the said abductors....

We actually figured out that these were just sentinels standing ready for when the real aliens came back. Once we figured that out, my mom and I were able to relax... even standing in the shadow of the alien guardians.

I even got brave enough to poke a little fun at this one... (No pun intended. Honest!)


These things are just SO big! I had no idea how tall they were. I've seen many pictures of these weird things, but seeing them in person was just plain crazy. OK, it creeped me out, to be totally honest.

Prickly pear dotted the landscape too. There were very large specimens of these too, but I didn't bother to get a better shot. One poke in the finger was enough!

I came to the conclusion that it's a crazy, crazy world out there with some strange, strange things to see. I'm grateful that I could get a glimpse of some of the weirdness this last weekend.