Self-awareness, as everything else in life, has an current, a flow.
At times, all rapids and whirlpools, it carries me faster than I'd choose on my own and often through frightening and dangerous waters. If I let go of my fear, the ride can be exhilerating, though I may come out crying at the end.
As all rapids eventually find a calm, so do my own personal rivers of thought.
Those calm places often look placid and smooth, yet upon submersion I find that the current is stronger than I realized. It is then I am faced with a choice; tread water, swim hard or relax and float and let the current carry me where it may.
There are other times where I stand on the shore and watch the current and wonder at the hinting surface-nuances of the more powerful forces below. I know there are things I'm not seeing or feeling because I choose to stay out of the water.
And there are other times where I walk away from the water all together.
But I know I'll always come back.