Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Moving Through

My heart-state always has a metaphor. Always. My mind conjures them like a washing machine churning clothes and if I watch long enough, the one I want will surface. Except lately the water feels still. I can't think of a fitting metaphor. So, would that mean I'm a blank slate? A vacant lot? An empty chair? Or perhaps a stripped bed? No. I think I just pegged it with the washing machine. Full of water and clothes, but no churning. Still. Silent.

Whatever it is, I can't seem to think of much these days. It could be the allergies that I'm battling, making my head feel as though it's stuffed with cotton. It might be that I'm just too tired to care. It's possible that I'm burying my head in the sand so I don't have to do any digging into my own psyche. It may be just me crawling into dormancy, temporary shut down, laying fallow, awaiting the spring when I feel like growing again.

Whatever it is, I'm up for it. Apparently it's my time to stare off into space or at least feel like I am staring blankly, even when I'm busy. It is my time to avoid looking deep into the recesses of my heart. It is my time to learn the routines of keeping a clean house. It is my time to play the guitar every night. It's my time to allow myself to go to bed if I'm sleepy. It's my time to teach my children that there are cycles in life and we need to listen and love.

It's also my time to love myself even when I don't feel like I'm moving forward.

11 comments:

Shanana said...

You know what they say... Still waters run deep. It's all in there. It's just not time for it to break the surface right now. Enjoy the stillness for a while.

Kaci said...

XOXO!

Maria Hart said...

Those damnable times and seasons for everything... I love the deep waters metaphor, it is perfect... I think sometimes they are the calm before the storm! Thanks for the reminder that we need to love ourselves, even when we think we are stagnating. We only stagnate if our water is shallow.

Ginny said...

love the washing machine metaphor. it's the soak setting. soon enough the agitation will begin again, but in the mean time, enjoy the calm and let it all absorb.

Kristin said...

Beautiful! You are amazing... you know that right!?! Even this... your dormancy is so fun to read about. Enjoy it... revel in it... relax. Change will come, as it always does. :0)

The Wolfs said...

I so wish i could write like you. I wish i had more than one layer too that might help my deep thoughts until then i will keep taking lessons from my beloved clancy

Rachel Chick said...

Love it, Clanc! You know, all forward movement doesn't have to be in your brains. :) When I talked to you last, I saw a lot of forward momentum.

Sometimes brains don't need to think so much. It's a time for doing. Cold weather will come again - and so will the rest. The "Doing Clancy" is lots of fun too!

Clancy Pants said...

True, Rachel. True. Thanks!

Travis said...

Maybe the spin cycle actually finished and you're ready for fluff and fold warmth of the dryer cycle.

brits said...

Travis nailed it!

Genene said...

I've watched the soak cycle in you, in my, in others I know & love so well. It's an interesting time, always. It hardly ever seems to meet "others" expectations and for a people pleaser like me that's uncomfortable. I've been learning to honor those times too. And at this particular time, I know there's more to the story and I can't wait for the end! (or the new beginning cuz endings are always the beginning of the next thing eh?)

Love & light to you, on you, from you!