Friday, August 1, 2008

Crayons...

Crayons have absolutely nothing to do with this post, excepting the fact that I never claimed to be the sharpest one in the box.

Dinnertime. Last week. Beans and rice were on the menu. I turned on the burner on HIGH. Put water and rice in the pot. When they came to a boil, I was supposed to turn them down to a low temperature and leave the lid on 'til they were done. Easy.

Whilst the water/rice combo came to a boil, I turned my attention to the other half of the meal. Beans. Great-Northern beans, to be precise. I wasn't sure how long I was supposed to pressure cook these babies, so I turned to my favorite source: Google. My computer is downstairs. Downstairs is not within smelling range of my kitchen. If I am not perfectly vigilant Google can carry me to a fantasy land where neither time nor rice exist. Google did just that on that fateful night.

As I was carried away searching for a pressure cooking timetable I thought to myself, "I"m sure glad I already put the rice on... THE RICE!!!" I bolted up the stairs and, as my nose came within range of the kitchen, I smelled the disaster before I saw it. I pulled the smoking rice off of the red-hot burner and opened the lid a fraction. Smoke began to pour out. With a spoon I moved the rice aside to assess the damage. Bad news greeted me from the bottom of my pot. Black covered everything I could see under the rice. Trying to avoid MORE of the smell of char in my kitchen, I headed outside to purge the pot of the befouled rice.

With haste to get the smoking pot outside, I encountered the closed outside door that I could not open with both of my hands holding a pot. For some insane reason (most likely having to do with previous crayon comment),I set the pot down... ON THE CARPET. Too late I realized what sort of physics project was happening under the pot. I might have set a record for the fastest opening of a door. Sure enough, I picked up the pot again and strings of melted nylon came up with it like hundreds of spiders had built their homes between the pot and the carpet. Perfect.

With wisps of melted carpet dangling from the pot, I took it outside and scraped the rice out. Inside the pot, the bottom was black except for the perfect outlines of rice. It reminded me of maggots. Eww.

Fortunately, this story has a fairly happy ending. If you can count as happy the several hours of elbow grease required to remove most traces of the charred rice and melted carpet from the pot...

The pot is still in action today, boiling merrily with whatever I'm scrambling to cook for dinner each night. I never cared about the carpet. The perfect melted circle left by the pot stands as reminder to sharpen those proverbial crayons and use them to defend myself against the lure of Google and stupidity of thinking before I set a scorching pan onto nylon carpet.

10 comments:

Britta said...

LOL!! Don't you fret, my little burnt sienna!!!!

Love your guts!!!
xxox
bv

Maria Hart said...

Is it fair to blame our children for the fact that we have any crayons in the house in the first place?! Good run this a.m., now I'm going to take a nap. We need to go to sleep earlier to make this work!

Kaci said...

Oh Clanc!!! That sucks!!!! But I can totally see me-self doin just that! XOXO

Anonymous said...

I had a rug with a burn mark that happened to be located very near our back door. Did I mention I LOVE my rice cooker? His name is Chris...Love your blog. I could get lost in it for years. You rock and then rock some more...Love ya- EM

Anonymous said...

Okay, I feel like a senior citizen with no account name. I didn't realize it would rat me out on my comment box. "Hey, look at the new girl that doesn't have an account...She must live like a pilgrim." Nice...Em

Clancy in Idaho said...

Emilee... you are so funny! Don't worry that you don't have an account. You can put your name in the name/url option. Just put your name in there before you publish the comment. :)

Kristin said...

LOL... totally LOVE this post. And I must say... at least you cook!

Teri's Tales said...

I hate to admit it, but I can totally relate to your "adventure in the kitchen". The first fight I won with my husband was over burnt brownies (I burnt them but refused to serve them to our visitors). I also had to pay for an obtrusive iron shaped burn mark on the back of a dorm sofa in my not so rich college days. My roomate who was responsible for leaving a hot iron in the walk way on a wobbly ironing board got off scott free.

Kristy said...

Clancy!
You make me laugh! I have done the same thing so many times. Why do we get so distracted by the computer?!?!? I'm glad you don't care about the carpet. I think I would have thrown the pan away, and there you are cooking in it again...impressive!

Ginny said...

k so this one was good enough to warrant a comment via my phone from paradise...can only mean I have been there. only difference was that it was oil in a pan and I don't know what distracted me. unfortunately I think it was pre-kids so I don't even have the burned brain cells excuse. but the black on the pan required the same elbow grease. I still use it and laugh when I see that last remnant that never has come off!! so glad the carpet is nbd to you! thanks for the lol!!! aloha!